Water fountains are evil

So is everyone sufficiently freaked out over the all the swine flu news? You should be. Unfortunately I don't have the time to attempt to scare you into a real respect for what this could mean for the next 6 to 12 months but I do have some brief thoughts on keeping our kids safe regardless of whatever is the bug du jour. Bear with me as I tell you how to raise your children (should I just turn off the comments now?!?)

Here are a few things I have drilled into my children's heads since birth in an attempt to protect them from whatever pandemic is either currently breathing down our neck or is lurking right around the corner (because any medical doctor who tells you he is not concerned about a pandemic--either this current issue or ones not yet identified-- is truly full of crap. Any infectious disease doctors or epidemiologists out there are welcome to chime in now. In fact, I'll leave the comments turned on just for you.) Anyway, these are things we practice in our household that I think would be well worth the time and energy for anyone.

1. DO NOT EVER use a water fountain. Not at school. Not in church. Not here. Not there. Not anywhere. Fountains, coolers, bubblers (whatever you want to call them!) are nasty, evil little things that should be banned. My plumber husband tells me they are increasingly required by local building codes but I find that to be truly insane, but then again, that's government for you. Plus, I truly believe I must be ahead of my time. :) I'm sure someday our grandchildren will laugh and laugh about the "good ole days" when people all drank out of water fountains or they won't believe us when we say we did. Anyway, don't take my word for it. Read/watch all about them here, here, and here. (That is what I found after a very cursory internet search using "water + fountains + germs." Feel free to do your own research.)

2. DO NOT EVER share cups/bottles/drinks with anyone (parents and siblings most certainly included!) Seriously, not with a fox. Not in a box. Not with a goat. Not on a boat. (Unless you are married to said fox or goat... because if you are married then you probably swap germs with your spouse from time to time but this is not the place to discuss such things. Especially when you re-read that last sentence. I think we should just cut off that discussion. Right. Now.) Anywhoo, in all likelihood, you are contagious before you even know you have anything at all. I always imagine everyone as contagious (that's a nice way to view the world, no?) and act accordingly. Spit-to-spit (membrane-to-membrane) contact is pretty much the transportation of choice for germs so just don't do it... How hard can it be to pour another cup or water bottle? It's certainly much easier than the sleepless nights and cranky days with sick kids. And it's still got to be cheaper than all the doctor and prescription copays.

3. WASH YOUR HANDS. In the rain. On a train. In a house. With a mouse. If you can't wash, then deactivate the germs with hand sanitizer and then wipe them on your shirt or a napkin after the sanitizer has dried. Currently the CDC recommends washing your hands frequently (for me, that's pretty much until the skin is raw but just before I get tiny little cracks and fissures... which are --surprise!--a backdoor entry for germs!) or using a hand sanitizer that is at least 60% alcohol, like Purell. Wet Wipes and some others use antibacterial cleaners that aren't as effective as good ole alcohol. You'd be surprised at my various stashes of hand sanitizers (or maybe not after reading this) and I can assure you that as this swine flu drama continues to unfold, I can hoard with the best of them.

So there's my Confessions of a Germaphobe. I'm sorry if you look at me in a completely different (neurotic!) light now. It was either this little spiel or a dissertation on the Spanish Flu of 1918. Or another anti-Obama rant after this spiffy stunt yesterday. But honestly, I think I cope better with the pig flu than the current administration so I'm going with that for now.

You're welcome.

The most hilarious thing I've seen in a while...

Before you get your underwear in a wad (no, I don't use the "p" word and I've had that conversation with most of you before. I've even embarassed myself on another blog by not knowing who Clinton and Stacy are when discussing this topic... but I digress), I didn't make that pic. I wish I was that good. I found it here (via my fb buddy, Krewe) and it's totally awesome from what I've read so far. I think the author played football at Bama.* Kevin Jackson for President? Hmm... I'll have to read on to see what I think about that but if he went to Bama then it's a no-brainer (insert obligatory Bammers-got-no-brains pun here.)

* I am aware that it's probably not the same Kevin Jackson but until it is proven otherwise, I will choose to believe that it is the same guy.

Who needs at-home perms...

... when THIS can curl your hair?



Just in case you don't recognize these two long-lost homies, here's a brief description to bring you up to speed. One man is a socialist revolutionary who pals around with Marxist ideologues. The other man is the president of Venezuela. Speaking of Hugo Chavez, here's some of his greatest hits:

“I have said it already, I am convinced that the way to build a new and better world is not capitalism. Capitalism leads us straight to hell.”

“I hereby accuse the North American empire of being the biggest menace to our planet."

“The left is back, and it's the only path we have to get out of the spot to which the right has sunken us, ... Socialism builds and capitalism destroys.”

"The descendants of those who crucified Christ... have taken ownership of the riches of the world, a minority has taken ownership of the gold of the world, the silver, the minerals, water, the good lands, petrol, well, the riches, and they have concentrated the riches in a small number of hands." (I've cross-referenced this just to make sure he wasn't quoting Hitler. I want to give credit where credit is due.)

"The devil is right at home. The devil--the devil himself-- is right in the house. And the devil came here yesterday. Yesterday the devil came here. Right here. [Crosses himself] And it smells of sulphur still today. Yesterday, ladies and gentlemen, from this rostrum, the president of the United States, the gentleman to whom I refer as the devil, came here, talking as if he owned the world. Truly. As the owner of the world." (Just FYI, I've also cross-referenced this one just to make sure he wasn't quoting Keith Olbermann. He's not, but I can't swear that Keith Olbermann doesn't go around quoting Chavez.)

"Let's save the human race, let's finish off the U.S. empire." (That nugget of wisdom was delivered at the Islamic Republic medal ceremony at Tehran University in Iran.)

And just to illustrate how Chavez's love is not unrequitted (not by a long shot):

"Mr. Chávez is my brother, he is a friend of the Iranian nation and the people seeking freedom around the world. He works perpetually against the dominant system. He is a worker of God and servant of the people." Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iranian "president"

And while I'm at it, I'll end with these very insightful quotes...

"I'm grateful that President Ortega did not blame me for things that happened when I was three months old," [Laughter and applause from the other leaders.]...We have at times been disengaged, and at times we sought to dictate our terms," [Loud applause] "But I pledge to you that we seek an equal partnership. There is no senior partner and junior partner in our relations."

--Barry Obama: Friend to fascists and socialists alike

Hey, what's the big idea?!?!

Based on our actions (or lack thereof), you'd think we're dealing with the friggin' Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. For anyone who ever thought Dubya was a warmonger, be very (and I mean very) happy I'm not Commander in Chief. I woulda blasted these terrorists back to the African coast 3 1/2 days ago and then invaded Somalia to clean up the rest of the country. Finally I'd stand on top of the nearest sand dune and shout "King Kong ain't got nuthin' on me!!!!" while challenging the rest of these demon-possessed warlords of Africa to Bring. It. On. But that's just me.

Out of the supply closet

Sorry I haven't posted much lately but after quick glance at the blogs on my sidebar, everyone else has the same problem...too much to do and not enough time, certainly not enough time to post at my self-indulgent blog. Plus, I've had so much on my mind that I didn't even know where to start. I did want to share a juicy tidbit here that many of you may already know about via facebook (except for Tom, who has about the funniest explanation I've ever heard/read for NOT joining facebook, as well as PeePaw, who can't seem to find that elusive facebook at the library!)

Anyhoo, we've had a large development in our family and NO, I'm not having another baby. Still, I will have a child with me around the clock starting this fall despite my youngest starting kindergarten. So what could that mean?!?!? It means I'm homeschooling Ricky Bobby for the next school year ('09-10) and it's official now seeing as I've filled out all the paperwork and informed his current school of our decision. It's been a huge blessing how smoothly things have gone so far and I feel like the hardest parts are behind us (other than having to field your searing questions here!) I have all sorts of other thoughts on the topic but I don't have time to compose them coherently now but I at least wanted to throw y'all a bone since I'm not sure what any of this means for Steph's Other Space. I can certainly envision a life without blogging (or tanning beds!) in the very near future.