Water fountains are evil

So is everyone sufficiently freaked out over the all the swine flu news? You should be. Unfortunately I don't have the time to attempt to scare you into a real respect for what this could mean for the next 6 to 12 months but I do have some brief thoughts on keeping our kids safe regardless of whatever is the bug du jour. Bear with me as I tell you how to raise your children (should I just turn off the comments now?!?)

Here are a few things I have drilled into my children's heads since birth in an attempt to protect them from whatever pandemic is either currently breathing down our neck or is lurking right around the corner (because any medical doctor who tells you he is not concerned about a pandemic--either this current issue or ones not yet identified-- is truly full of crap. Any infectious disease doctors or epidemiologists out there are welcome to chime in now. In fact, I'll leave the comments turned on just for you.) Anyway, these are things we practice in our household that I think would be well worth the time and energy for anyone.

1. DO NOT EVER use a water fountain. Not at school. Not in church. Not here. Not there. Not anywhere. Fountains, coolers, bubblers (whatever you want to call them!) are nasty, evil little things that should be banned. My plumber husband tells me they are increasingly required by local building codes but I find that to be truly insane, but then again, that's government for you. Plus, I truly believe I must be ahead of my time. :) I'm sure someday our grandchildren will laugh and laugh about the "good ole days" when people all drank out of water fountains or they won't believe us when we say we did. Anyway, don't take my word for it. Read/watch all about them here, here, and here. (That is what I found after a very cursory internet search using "water + fountains + germs." Feel free to do your own research.)

2. DO NOT EVER share cups/bottles/drinks with anyone (parents and siblings most certainly included!) Seriously, not with a fox. Not in a box. Not with a goat. Not on a boat. (Unless you are married to said fox or goat... because if you are married then you probably swap germs with your spouse from time to time but this is not the place to discuss such things. Especially when you re-read that last sentence. I think we should just cut off that discussion. Right. Now.) Anywhoo, in all likelihood, you are contagious before you even know you have anything at all. I always imagine everyone as contagious (that's a nice way to view the world, no?) and act accordingly. Spit-to-spit (membrane-to-membrane) contact is pretty much the transportation of choice for germs so just don't do it... How hard can it be to pour another cup or water bottle? It's certainly much easier than the sleepless nights and cranky days with sick kids. And it's still got to be cheaper than all the doctor and prescription copays.

3. WASH YOUR HANDS. In the rain. On a train. In a house. With a mouse. If you can't wash, then deactivate the germs with hand sanitizer and then wipe them on your shirt or a napkin after the sanitizer has dried. Currently the CDC recommends washing your hands frequently (for me, that's pretty much until the skin is raw but just before I get tiny little cracks and fissures... which are --surprise!--a backdoor entry for germs!) or using a hand sanitizer that is at least 60% alcohol, like Purell. Wet Wipes and some others use antibacterial cleaners that aren't as effective as good ole alcohol. You'd be surprised at my various stashes of hand sanitizers (or maybe not after reading this) and I can assure you that as this swine flu drama continues to unfold, I can hoard with the best of them.

So there's my Confessions of a Germaphobe. I'm sorry if you look at me in a completely different (neurotic!) light now. It was either this little spiel or a dissertation on the Spanish Flu of 1918. Or another anti-Obama rant after this spiffy stunt yesterday. But honestly, I think I cope better with the pig flu than the current administration so I'm going with that for now.

You're welcome.