Why I LOVE Sports (Now updated with video!):

It's full of stories just like this. And b'ball really is one of my favs... it's so much fun to see something like that in person (I didn't this time but I was there when lil' Antoine laid it up against Florida!)



By the way, did anybody catch G-Jo and P-Paw on ESPN Tuesday night?

She's a lady...

Okay, eventually I'll quit talking about my dogs (both here and on facebook) and maybe I'll even mention my kids a time or two but believe me, for now the dogs in our life are a lot less complicated! Anyway, I couldn't help but take a few pics and video of that crazy Palin Mae Sassafras of Calhoun County (or Miss Sassy if you nasty) enjoying the rain today. When I decided to get a dog and then subsequently strong-armed Plumberboy into agreeing, I really set my heart on what some folks call an old Southern white, which is basically a fancier term for a yard dog. Well, ask and ye shall receive:

Wow, that's a classy broad. And she's currently about two shades browner than that pic. If you look closely enough at the background, you'll see what was once a fairly aesthetically pleasing garden area with flower-filled window boxes, handpainted pots, and a trumpetvine-covered arbor bordered by a nice wooden picket fence is now a wasteland of potholes and poop littered with the various mangled plastic corpses of whatever she decided to make her chewtoy that day. And yes that's her luxurious down-filled (well, thin synthetic cotton batting) comforters on the ground soaking up the rain. Because she drags them out there. Every. Single. Day. Apparently you can take the dog out of the ghetto but not the ghetto out of the dog. Moral of this story: Be careful what you ask for because you just may get it.

Now onto an update on JJ's situation... he's fine. Plumberboy's wallet is still ailing but JJ is just fine. He's convinced our dogs will live for a looonnnng time and we'll have the vet bills to prove it. It should be noted that JJ's pancreatitis ate into Crabman's birthday party budget so maybe we'll just take JJ to the party this year and let the kids take turns petting him. "Thanks for coming today. Nope, that's it. Just pet the dog and go home, kid. No cake. No ice cream. Just a crazy old black dog with a case of the shakes."

Well, I promise to elaborate more on the other happenings in our lives but right now the details are still fuzzy. I will say that Crabman is reading, like legitimately sounding out words and everything. I find this ironic seeing as we dance on top of books in our house and occasionally use them as a bat, too. Anyway, I guess we'll keep letting him read books so long as they don't go putting no silly ideas in his head. I hate it when that happens.

Of course I could always end by sparking a lively debate about the "stimulus plan" or Pelosi's Congressional Calisthenics but, nah... I think we've had enough of talk of dog poop today.

Breaking News...

This just in:

That fight totally started when Chris Brown wore Rihanna's shirt, gold lacrame backpack, and pink Swatch without asking. (And is that her fingernail polish on his left thumb?!?!?)

You can dance on top of a book! (Updated with less annoying version of video but now there's a new more disturbing video to boot!)

Seriously, there's something for everyone (including facebook crossovers!) I really am about to quit wasting time on the computer but not before I embed quite possibly the worst bootlegged video in the history of youtube. Maybe your computer's speakers are better than my laptop but just in case they aren't, the raccoon is saying "I got rabies for learnin'."



UPDATE: I have three words: Hip Hop Harry. I thought "Da Learnin' Train" was spoofing Yo Gabba Gabba (which I heart) and Choo Choo Soul from Playhouse Disney. Aye-yi-yi. This is fo' real and apparently you really can watch it on Discovery Kids. (Plus it's also currently On Demandizzle with Charter Cabizzle. Word.):

A Follow-up (Updated with a link in an attempt to prove it's not just me being mean!)

For you Lacey, a pic that reveals the true owner of the purple Madonna gloves (with Jay-Z still in the ridiculous hat while Beyonce/Sasha Fierce thinks to herself "If he wasn't worth a gazillion dollars..."):




And this is for "anonymous" who seems to get her feathers all ruffled by Jay-Z's hat and gay priests. Oh yeah, it's also for anyone who can grasp the absurdity that is Aretha Franklin's hat, though it does make her head look smaller.

And this one is just for me (because as Lacey kindly noted, it is my blog after all!) Need I say more?

Too soon?

Honestly, I'm done talking about today's events right after I post this pic:

Mr. Z, I know it's quite frigid out there today but that hat? Really? No, seriously, history in the making and that hat? Can I get a what what?

TGIF (Updated with a full 4 1/2 minutes PLUS of Joey and Pacey... you're welcome!)

Can you believe I actually have this date circled on my calendar because Friday Night Lights is FINALLY back on NBC. Of course you can! Remember this? Well, I gave up on trying to watch it on DirecTV. It turns out I had other things to occupy my thoughts this fall. Which is probably a good thing because now I can turn my undivided attention towards Lyla and let's be honest it's really all about Tim Riggins.

PS: Just be happy I didn't have a blog back in my Dawson's Creek days. Joey and Pacey Forever. (And I see I'm not the only one wishing that...) Anyway, that's all I have to say about that. Hint: I have an attachment to Joey and Pacey so don't come up on my blog with no Joey and Dawson crap. You've been sufficiently warned! :)

UPDATE: The Joey and Pacey link has been fixed... enjoy!!!

It's that time of year

You know how I offer up public service announcements (PSAs) from time to time? Well, here's another one. That's just FYI as I thought it might be especially useful this time of year. You're welcome.

PS: I've frequently put VapoRub as far into my nasal passage as humanly possible and I would have eagerly rubbed it directly onto my sinus cavity and/or my brain if I had something that was long enough to reach. I have found a nose spray with just a shot of VapoRub in it that will clear you right up but sure enough, it does eventually cause some rebound swelling. Nasacort AQ seems to work best on a daily basis. Okay, that's all for me for now as this has quickly digressed into some sort of WebMD moment.

Have you seen this show?!?!

It's called It's Me or The Dog and I think it comes on The Animal Planet channel. (I don't really know because it just happens to be on the TV sometimes, right after some animal talent show that my kids watch.) Anyway, I'm amazed at how stupid these people are with their dumb, mean dogs. There's some evil pomeranian on there right now named Teddy Pom-Pom and I wonder why they don't dropkick that stupid mutt across the house. Then I realize I am the owner of an overly aggressive (borderline dangerous) 4-lb poodle named Cotton and I just shut up.

PS: Plumberboy says we need to go on this show and Cotton barks with approval. Someday I'll try to get a quick digital video of Cotton at his finest, quickly wrangling a 50+ lb Miss Sassy to the ground.

Matthew 26:53

Have y'all heard about this story? Amazing, though it really shouldn't be. I know firsthand that miracles abound in hospitals but "ye of little faith" are we, all of us, in this present day and age. May the miracle of Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection be real to you this Christmas season because...well...it is.

PS: Be more informed than that silly Rabbi on The Today Show this morning. The Bible tells us all about angels.

Jesus said "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven."

Matthew 18:10

Speaking of Ricky Bobby...

Here is a good article on ADHD. If you have a kid with ADHD, do yourself a favor and read the article. Very interesting with good points made by both sides.

PS: In case you're wondering (and I know you are), Ricky Bobby does in fact have ADHD and you would not argue otherwise if you spent a day (or less) with him. However, we do not medicate him despite two doctors and one "behavior therapist" encouraging us to do so. I'd be happy to share more details with anyone out there who is curious but I'm not just going to bore you with the details here. You can email me if you are interested in how we're coping, in a public school system no less!

Now back to our regularly scheduled football programming...

A honest-to-goodness break from the topic of football (AKA: Where do worms come from?)

I went to the Thanksgiving program at Ricky Bobby's school this morning and during the clean-up afterwards I noticed that his desk was packed with junk. Obviously, being a good nosey mom, I started trying to sort through all the trash, important papers, etc. Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon three books crammed into his little cubby, most notably one that was entitled Does a Worm Have a Girlfriend? I'm not going to go into great detail but you can read a sample page here. (True story: That is the exact page Ricky Bobby quickly flipped to and proudly showed me this morning.) Okay, now I purposely don't write much about my kids here on the blog but--as it pertains to this story--I will say that Ricky Bobby is an extremely proficient reader. There is no doubt he can pronounce every single word in that book and if given the opportunity, he may attempt to google and/or use wikipedia to further research the subject. (I'm not kidding... he knew how to use wikipedia in 1st grade.) Now his teacher does not "teach" this subject and I'm sure 99% of the other 2nd graders wouldn't understand most of the words so I'm not upset per se about these latest developments. Shocked would be more like it. Shocked that he found this book interesting enough to stash away in his desk and shocked that he's concurrently (not to mention undeniably, obviously) smitten with a real live girl at school. For once I'm actually praying that my blog is rather hard to find so that her sweet parents don't ever stumble across this post! It would certainly mark the end of their "relationship." Anyway, considering the things I have discussed here before, I find all of this rather ironic. Now I guess I get to add "Discussing reproductive habits of animals with my 2nd grader and how this relates to God's plan for our lives" to my Thanksgiving To-Do list. Yup, there it is... right between "Clean House" and "Stuff turkey." Fannnnnntastic!

PS: G-Jo and P-Paw... no need to comment! :)

Maybe Eddie Murphy was right all along???

All this bailout talk reminds me of Eddie Murphy's "White Like Me" sketch... I guess he really was ahead of his time! Go ahead... watch Eddie Murphy at his finest (well, this might actually be Murphy at his finest but can you really pick just one?!?)



Seriously, where I can find one of those banks? Hmmmm...

Apparently Hitler had a ball (literally)

Why oh why do they leave all the good stuff out of our history textbooks?

PS: Apparently it wasn't all his mother's fault but I think it's safe to assume that she did screw up majorly somewhere along the way.

The plumbing IS the political! (UPDATED!)

If you watched the final Presidential debate last night any sort of political news at all in the past 24 hours then you know that "Joe the Plumber" is a political buzz phrase right now. You'd probably be surprised at how many political conversations Plumberboy actually has while he's on the job. Those plumbers sure can be a political bunch! I for one am just amused by all the similarities between Joe the Plumber and Plumberboy (except Plumberboy has hair.) Bizarre...

A couple of updates: First, Plumberboy definitely shares some similarities with Joe the Plumber. However, I need to clarify that Plumberboy most definitely pays his taxes, is not divorced, and is in fact a licensed plumber (a master plumber to boot... it's not often that I get to brag on him!) Now Plumberboy's name is NOT Joe but it appears that Joe the Plumber's first name ain't Joe either. Anyway, here's a super-interesting article about plumbers and I for one am glad to see them getting their dues (at least a little bit) considering they really do provide a vital service yet remain the butt of jokes. Har, har. Anyway, yay for plumbers!

Because making a decision about an abortion really is as simple as Chinese or Italian?

Good gravy! I know I shouldn't be surprised at the ridiculous level of incompetence (and clinical insanity!) nearly every single celebrity exhibits on a daily basis... yet somehow I always am! Exhibit A and Exhibit B. Those are just two of the readily available examples that appeared on usmagazine.com yesterday. Why, OH WHY (somebody please tell me!), do we let these people dictate any sort of trend in our culture, let alone politics?!?!? I fear we as a nation--sooner or later-- will get exactly what we deserve.

As a dog returns to its vomit,

so a fool repeats his folly.

Proverbs 26:11

PS: Mr. Timberlake, if you really are this--shall we say--simple, then by all means do us a favor and keep it in the box. Signed, The Human Race

6 things you honestly don't care one thing about (nope, not even the slightest...)

Apparently I was "tagged" by Shannon a few weeks ago so now--for the sake of blogging etiquette-- I must list 6 things you probably do not know about me (but let's face it, I'm not going to divulge any deep, dark secrets here... C'MON!) In no particular order:

1. Despite a deep and abiding love for all things Crimson (except lipstick), I did not graduate from the Capstone and actually graduated from Auburn University Montgomery. For the record, that makes me a Senator and not a Tiger, a weagle, or anything remotely related to the bodygettas. However, I did manage to meet Mr. Plumberboy in Tuscaloosa and while we were both students at UA, neither of us ever graduated from there. And no, Alabama does not have a plumbing science department... he was an athletic training major. I was an American Studies major (which is really just a history degree but WAY cooler!)

2. Speaking of schooling, I always thought I wanted to be a vet until I actually worked at a vet clinic during high school. Then I decided to become a lawyer, because that's the next logical step, right? So I worked at a law office during high school too and that didn't dissuade me but two little lines on a pregnancy test did. Now I doubt I'll ever go to law school but I am the proud owner of three (3!) dogs and a fish. Lucky Mr. Plumberboy...

3. I do not eat fruit. Seriously, no fruit at all. Not watermelon, not apples, not strawberries. Nada. I love lemon juice but not lemons. Go figure.

4. I hate flying. Loathe it. Still, I've managed to travel to both Canada and Mexico. By the way, I'm probably the only person you'll ever find that hates cruising. Hate it. I'm a homebody (not to be confused with homeboy.)

5. I have only been to one real concert. I saw Lenny Kravitz at Oak Mountain Amphitheater. Blues Traveler was also there (can't really remember because that was a looong time ago but somebody please tell me Kravitz did NOT open for Blues Traveler... that would be all kinds of wrong.) One big reason I never went to any concerts is that almost everyone I respect musically is dead.

6. I'm allergic to anything and everything environmental. EVERYthing. I'm allergic to plants, animals (including my three dogs... I had hives for a week after bringing Sassy home), even myself. Oddly enough, I'm not allergic to any foods but Crabman is allergic to tree fruit. We are bizarre folk. Bonus factoid: My blood type is O-.

Sassy Update*:

She is getting bigger. LOTS bigger. She probably weighs about 25 pounds now. She also poops a lot. A LOT. Plus, I underestimated the ickiness of puppy poop. Sure, I knew big dogs made big poop but I forgot how squishy, smelly, and impossibly unscoopable puppy poop can be. I was 100% prepared to scoop poop but I am not quite sure how to handle our current situation. Hopefully eventually she'll be worth all the trouble. (Fingers crossed.) For now, she is just Lazy. And mouthy. She chews virtually everything but has a distinct taste for Webkinz. Yet another reason the boys are not so big on having a new dog. They have suggested many times that we "sell" her and Ricky Bobby has referred to her at least once as a "filthy beast." But I assure you Crabman is not scared of her. Annoyed by, but not scared of.

Addendum: If I told you that the dog's name is Palin Mae Sassafras of Calhoun County but I call her Miss Sassy If You Nasty, what would you think of? This? Mr. Plumberboy had no clue why I called her that and is not really even familiar with the song. Anyway, even I think it's a little off kilter to hear my 4-year-old call her Miss Sassy If You Nasty but it sure is cute... ("Sit, Miss Sassy If You Nasty." "No, no Miss Sassy If You Nasty." "Go to your room, Miss Sassy If You Nasty!") So I guess it's a nod to Janet Jackson but in all actuality, I think her name will always sounds a bit like this in my head.

*On a related note, I am very pale.

Presenting Palin Mae Sassafras of Calhoun County

(Or Miss Sassy if you nasty)

Yes, this means we got a dog... a puppy no less. She was alleged to be part boxer-part American bulldog (thus, a bullboxer) but I suspect she is mostly American bulldog. She looks, acts, and lounges around like an American bulldog... and just so there is no concern or confusion whatsoever, that's not even close to the same thing as a pit bull, which is in fact a terrier. She is definitely a bulldog but it's reasonable to assume she is still part boxer because the late great Junie Mae was in fact part pekingese but he was a deadringer for a fullbred poodle. Which reminds me, yes the Mae is after Junie Mae. And yes, the Palin part is exactly what you think as well (so what's the difference between Palin the dog and Palin the politician? You don't get fired if you call the dog a bitch. Get it? Female dog? Palin supposedly had her brother-in-law fired? I think that's funny... Plumberboy and my dad think it's vulgar. Anyway, I digress...) The Sassafras has no real meaning except that everyone knows I always wanted a girl dog named Sassy and Sassafras just sounds so distinguished. Lastly, she is in fact from Calhoun County. So there you go. I'm not sure exactly how old she is but the folks at the shelter think she was born in May. She is still fairly skinny so I fear suspect her growth may really take off now that she can get good, steady nutrition plus plenty of lovin'. And yes, she has clothes but she's not keen on wearing them. We'll work on that. But for now I'd just be thrilled if she'd learn that carpet and grass are not interchangeable so pee accordingly. She uses the doggie door and seems to honestly understand that she's not supposed to take a leak on the carpet but she just can't help herself. I think she doesn't want to leave us long enough to go outside as she has some separation anxiety for sure (and apparently a little gas... stinky, which incidentally is what Plumberboy wanted to name her!) but we did make some small strides yesterday. Otherwise, so far so good. She loves the kids and she sits at my feet all day long, which is exactly what I wanted, minus the gas/pee/poop.


Now a new puppy doesn't exactly lend itself to an abundance of free time. Neither does Ricky Bobby's new soccer season. Or football season. Or the fact that our house would score below an 80 on a health department inspection. So in the words of Mark Bullock, it's time to clean up! (No one outside of the gump will get that reference. My apologies. But if you can actually find a video of Mark Bullock on the internet, you'll be glad you watched.)

You knew it was coming...

The uncanny resemblance? Per chance. The accent? That's just talent. (And yes, I suppose this answers my question regarding Tina Fey supporting a conservative woman. Deep down I knew that was coming, too.)




PS: Now I'm confused. If Lindsay Lohan, in all her infinite wisdom, has concerns over Sarah Palin's qualifications then maybe I should rethink my support for the McCain-Palin ticket. Thanks, Linds. And please, purty please, campaign for Obama. Bring a girlfriend friend.

Schneikes!

John McCain was hot! Maverick indeed!

Just FYI, I'm single-parenting it this weekend as Plumberboy is in upstate New York for a men's retreat. (It's his favorite place to be, well other than Heaven, with family, or in Bryant-Denny Stadium...oops, that's my list!) So that means the updates will be sparse [read: nonexistent] over the next few days but check back here again next week. Have a good one. Here's a video to hold you over until then. (DISCLAIMER: Hurricanes are no laughing matter but Geraldo dang sure is!)