Cram Session

So you already know that I'm a history nerd and a college football fanatic with a soft spot for Dear Sister parodies. You should also add habitual crammer to that list. Yes, it is FRIDAY, as in the day we leave before home games, and I still haven't packed or cleaned or written my thesis on the UA-UT rivalry. But you see, there's so much subject matter and only so few precious moments of quiet bought by the never-failing Nintendo Gamecube. So where to begin? Where to end? Let's see how this goes:


Once upon a time, in the faraway foothills of Appalachia, there was an ogre named Phil. (Or you could just imagine this in orange.) Wait a minute, I don't think I can make this sound childlike at all. After all, we're talking gluttony, envy, maybe murder. So a parable would work much better, no? Okay, I'll cut to the chase then: Alabama and Tennessee have always been neck-n-neck in the SEC. I'm pretty sure that Tennessee is second to Bama in overall conference championships while having no real in-state competition (love ya, Vandy--mean it!) There's a lot of coaching changes and recruiting that crosses state lines so naturally an intense rivalry has solidified over the years. Alabama really got up on the Big Orange a few years ago and rolled off about 9 straight games without a loss (truth be told, it was 8 straight wins and the 9th was a tie.) So UT axed ole Johnny Majors... enter Phillip Fulmer stage right (and stage left considering his size). I'm not sure what the history is behind him-- other than completely occluded, again given his considerable girth--but something got his XXXL under-roos in a wad. Now what do all true competitors do when they are sick and tired of losing to their biggest rival? Why they squeal to the NCAA (National Conspiracy Against Alabama) of course! And squeal he did. It was eventually revealed in a court of law that he was the "secret witness" in that bungled case a few years ago that cost the Alabama program tens of millions (and oh, about three or four coaches!) That's not speculation...it's a matter of public record! Now Alabama was far from blameless in the case. We paid $200,000 for a defensive tackle from Memphis... a defensive tackle, folks! I mean, Reggie Bush only cost USC about $150,000 and won a Heisman-- we got hosed! But I digress...

Now obviously that's against the rules but surely the NCAA isn't going to make a federal case outta it, right? WRONG! They did--literally! Logan Young, a "prominent" Alabama booster who didn't even go to Alabama but was friends with (you guessed it) Tha Bayer, and represented everything the UT faithful hated about Alabama football, and oh yeah! He was the guy who footed the bill for Albert Means so he eventually faced trumped up charges in federal court that were prosecuted by his hillbilly ex-girlfriend's-new-husband's-first-cousin of a prosecutor. The whole thing was nothing short of a bad, bordering on humorous, three-ring circus (you can read more about it here, incidentally not written by a Bammer). That is, until Logan turned up dead. The first reports were that his body was beaten and bloodied so badly that dental records were required to ID his body. The house was taped off and there was an ongoing homicide investigation. Suddenly, in just a day or two, his death was ruled the result of an accidental tumble down the stairs. Man, I hate it when that happens. So Logan Young never got the chance at an appeal. I'm sure everyone's memories will fade over time but to me (and I know my father will disagree) this story shifted from a proverbial axe to grind to quite possibly an axe actually being ground right into someone's head. And did I forget to mention that one of the lawyers involved this case was also physically assaulted and his briefcase with key documents stolen? Um yeah, no one was ever arrested. I wish I made this stuff up. By my own admission, I've simplified and condensed this story as time would allow but nonetheless I think I've made my case for viewing Tennessee as one of the all-time great evils rivals. And I think I made my case for jealousy, possibly murder. But what about gluttony, you say? For that, click here.

Wish I had more time and as always, I encourage ongoing dialogue in the form of COMMENTS on my page. If anyone out there on the world wide web has an info regarding this case, don't contact me... contact your local Crimestoppers--they pay cash! (Just kidding folks! But seriously, don't contact me and drag me into it!)

Roll Tide for the good guys!