My thoughts on Bristol Palin's situation (or lovingly alternately titled "You can stick that in your IUD and shove it")

To all those in the pro-abortion camp who find the Palin family to be hypocritical on the topic, this is for you:

So what exactly is hypocritical about a pro-lifer having a pregnant teenage daughter? Wouldn't it actually be hypocritical if her daughter had an abortion? That would make for a fair, extremely well thought out argument not to mention the exact definition of hypocritical. That would be her making the very choice she wants to take away from others. (It would surely sway the conservative voters too. As it currently stands, she has done nothing but galvanized the base.) Instead, the Palin family is backing up their anti-abortion stance and can now say, "when we were faced with that tough situation, we chose life" instead of just hypothesizing that they would choose life. And would the Republicans talk about Obama's daughters if they were in the same situation? Probably not as I highly doubt his girls would make it past the first trimester, thus successfully sweeping their "situation" tidily under the rug.

And to all the Planned Parenthooders and mushy-gushy sex-eders and teenagers everywhere:

Okay, we've covered the Palins so let's move on to abstinence-only education. Here's my stance on abstinence-only education. It should not be taught in public schools. IN FACT, THERE SHOULD BE NO SEX ED AT ALL IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. Since we so obviously have not surpassed all the global benchmarks in reading, writing, and arithmetic, let's just stick to those subjects for now. I don't want any school teacher talking to my kids about sex. It's inappropriate (creepy!) and it's unnecessary, thank you very much. I can just imagine all these liberal do-gooders sitting on the other side of their computer right now, their mouths hanging open aghast, so let me clue them in on something they probably missed out on during their socially awkward years. Teens know about sex. Yeah, they know almost everything there is to know about how to have sex. They actually do know all about birth control and urban legends and whatnot, too. Obviously they still get pregnant by the truckloads but that's because they are, in fact, having sex! Maybe they used something and it failed. That crap happens to adults, too. Regardless--believe you me--they are not listening to the "old" dude or dudette teaching the class. They are just giggling and getting all hot-n-bothered during the class. They are still going to go to their peers for "advice" or most likely, they are just going to wing it! It's the nature of the beast. So let's expect each and every parent to take responsibility for their children. (**Sidenote: I 100% percent agree that some kids will come from "homes" without responsible parents. In fact, I'll raise you one by saying most kids no longer come from homes with responsible adults. So I totally and emphatically support having several counselors on hand at the schools so that each child can go discuss such matters one-on-one. It's more effective and more appropriate that way, don't you think? And I really don't care what the counselor tells them because my kid should/will only be there to get his ACT/SAT scores. His father and I can handle the rest.**) I can swear to you that if I live long enough, my boys will know exactly what risks they are taking if they choose to partake in such behavior with a special emphasis placed on the fact that--as it stands right now and despite being exactly 50% comprised of their very own DNA--their child can have his or her brains sucked out and they will have no legal say in the matter whatsoever. Harsh reality but a reality nonetheless. Do you think I won't parade them down to a free health clinic to learn all about real STD cases in their very own community? Do you think I won't drag them somewhere to talk with a real person who has experienced an unplanned pregnancy ? I would absolutely do all of those things and more if I thought it was warranted. Heck, I may do it regardless. I remember hearing from my dad once (he probably doesn't even remember saying it) that you have a decent chance of your heart stopping the first time you try cocaine (interesting that this was written over a decade later). Guess what... I never tried cocaine. You know why? What he said was true (it could be proven) and he had done enough other stuff in life to prove that to me that he knew what he was talking about. And to me it just wasn't worth the risk. That's the crux of the matter. There is a whole lotta truth to unplanned pregnancies and especially STDs. We as adults are failing to warn our young people about the real risks outweighing the real benefits. We're letting them be snookered into believing their lives will resemble something sexy from TV and it will all work out just right. They will be loved and popular and successful! And if something unforeseen does happen along the way, then just go have an abortion! No harm, no foul--right? We would never do this with drunk driving. I mean, we tell them don't ever drive drunk. So how many times does someone drive under the influence before something happens? Does it matter? You may do it a thousand times before you end up mowing somebody down and spending a good long while in jail for vehicular manslaughter. Is it worth the risk? The resounding answer is no! Sure, people still do it but it doesn't change our approach (ie: the message that drunk driving is not worth the risk.) I cannot believe that so-called "responsible" adults don't feel the same way about their teens having sex. Seriously, that's screwed up. Sure, you may "hit" every cheerleader on the squad before you knock somebody up and/or you end up impotent from an STD. You may not. You may or may not get pregnant and have to decide whether or not to have an invasive surgical procedure to end the life growing inside of you. Really no way to tell! Maybe you'll never end up with a STD but I'm guessing your future spouse (oh right, marriage is for prudes!) isn't going to be impressed with your skanky record. So take a non-hormonal look at it and see if it's worth the risk. Do you want that to be your future? Of course it's your choice seeing as 14 makes you grown and all, just be dern sure you get your pets spayed or neutered, right? And by the way, abstinence works 100% of the time in preventing pregnancies. Care to argue that point?

Lastly, I'm not against birth control at all. I had my own tubes tied when I was 25. I really was a responsible adult when I made that decision along with my husband. But something seems wrong about discussing condoms with 13-year-olds though it's probably more like 10-to 12-year-olds at some schools. Seriously, is that not gross to you? And even if you're a perv and that's not gross to you, do you think the schools need to hand them out? As far as I know, there's no age restriction for buying them (from Walmart, from Target, from the vending machine at the Red Roof Inn) and a whole box of 'em costs about 1/5 of the latest Wii game so what's the problem with them being responsible to buy their own? They are responsible, right? Why should my son have one shoved in his hand so that some kid with lousy or nonexistent parents can get one for free, courtesy of my tax dollars? And by the way, I'll leave this post open for comments all day long, all night long too, so have at it. You can even do it anonymously. I assure you, you will not hurt my feelings in the least.

PS: My apologies to my parents who probably felt awkward if/when they read this. I just hope I'm making them proud by being on the correct side of the issue. :) Ultimately, I hope I'm making The Father proud (minus the ugly parenthetical title but it doesn't count if it's just an alternate, right?)