Not Dead

No, I wasn't eaten by a newly acquired pit bull or silenced by a pipe-wieldin', blog-despisin' plumber... I was actually out there living a little thing called life and it was nice, too. We cleaned out our garage from sun-up to sun-down on Saturday and now the two nonsliding doors on our van once again have full range of motion. That too is nice. Then on Sunday we had our "adopted" college kids over for lunch and Gamecube playing, which is really just free child entertainment and fellowship. That was nice and all but you know what was really awesome? One of those kids plays the fiddle... like seriously plays the fiddle, Dixieland Delight and all. He promised to bring his fiddle sometime and amuse me. I'm sure he thinks I'm the craziest person he's ever met but as always, I don't take it personally. And oh yeah, we watched some football too. I know, TO, I'm all choked up too. (TO is soooo noble... I could only be prouder if he was from my home state. Wow. I couldn't be any prouder.) I bet Romo's pretty upset about this whole situation. No, no...not losing the game. I'm sure he's devastated that he is in fact involved with Joe Simpson's crazy brood in the first place. And man, that loss really ruins his game plan... "Seriously Jess, I like you and all, but you see, it's just that you're--uh--you're, well kind of, bad luck. Sorry, it's not you, it's me. And the fact that you're bad luck. And I'm actually quite gay." Okay, enough about this fascinating sport of football and onto something significantly more bloody...

POLITICS. (Just FYI, I once titled a paper "Politics and Pigskins" so these topics naturally go hand-in-hand on my blog. Sorry.) And ahhhh, I love the smell of race-baitin' in the morning.... I think this is going to be fun to watch. The Republican candidates' debate was humorous last night too (apparently a rerun. My bad but as aforementioned, I was living life). Hmm, maybe the losing candidates should replace the striking writers...

Back to the he said/she said on the Democratic side of the ball. It hasn't taken long for James Carville and company to make their presence known on the campaign trail. This thing really is getting ugly, unless you're a Republican, at which point you come out smelling like a rose (until Hillary actually wins the nomination and presents as a much more formidable opponent than one Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, who is commonly believed to have been sworn in on a Koran. He wasn't. Sshhhh, don't tell. But please, please nominate him because 99% of Americans won't bother to check the facts.) However, Barack Obama's "spiritual adviser" is one of the most racist people on the face of the planet. You can read all about him in his own words here. Anyway, Here's another Fox News Alert. Bill Clinton was once honored as "The First Black President." That is offensive. Puh-leese, Bill Clinton is whiter than I am. He lives in friggin' Chappaqua, New York. But oh yeah, he's not running... his wife is. Whatev. This whole thing is a giant chess match that has nothing to do race and everything to do with votes. It is possibly the greatest show on earth.

Now don't think I'm unfairly pickin' on the Dems. There were plenty of laughs in our house last night at the Reps' expense. Sorry Stacy, but Ron Paul provided the most! During the debate (again, rerun!) he kept cupping his ear in a "heh?" kinda way, looking all grumpy and grampaw-like. He seemed confused and bored with the whole debate, one time even snapping at Campaign Carl Cameron about being allowed to participate. He did essentially denounce these crazy supporters but I don't think that's a good thing because most of us (including moi) were unaware of their existence in the first place. Did anybody else see Mike Huckabee talk about sending Iranis(what are they called anyway?) to Hell? He's definitely heir to the "W" throne. He knows how to work an audience while some don't. Look, I don't want to rip on McCain but he is--shall we say--the least polished of them all. And what the heck was Rudy doing there? Is he even running anymore? Fred Thompson, who reminds me of some character from Who Framed Roger Rabbit but I can't remember his name for the life of me, would make a good VP. I'm just sayin'...

Well, I still plan to share with you my thoughts on The Issues (hey, you don't have to read!) But for now you can check out CNN's website (have grain of salt in hand) to see where each candidate stands. Here's the issues that make my list (in order): Abortion, healthcare/insurance reform, national security/Iraq (yes, they are related!), tax reform, and gun control. What's your litmus test?