Ponderations from last Saturday

9,999,997...9,999,998...9,999,999...10,000,000! Wait, um, no--didn't really help. But since I'm already in violation of the 24-hour team rule (Remember? Honorary Captain? Hello?!?!), I figure I better get a few things off my bruised chest despite not really longing to write about the game. Yes, it did take that much out of me and thanks for asking. And okay, you got me... Bear Bryant didn't say "I have not yet begun to fight!" It was Mike Tyson I believe... or maybe Don King. Not quite sure....however, Bear Bryant did say "the same things win that always won and we just have a bunch of different excuses if we lose." That's how I feel about this game. There's lots and lots to whine about but I won't. Coulda, shoulda, woulda--that's for sure! And no, it's not a moral victory by any means. That loss stung and quite honestly took a good bit of wind outta my sails for a while. When does "The Process" finally start paying off and when, oh when, can I finally see us knock off a Top 3 in BDS? Those are rhetorical but, as always, feel free to comment with your educated guesses. I think it would be counterproductive to engage in a play-by-play recap. But you know what would be productive (not to mention fun) ? For me to engage (in the name of sore loser-manship) in a fan-by-fan recap of those chumps formerly known as the Saban Nation (version 3.0 and for those of you keeping up, Alabama is currently version 5.0). I think there is more than enough material left in my RAM for a decent post. Shall we?

• Mike the Tiger has obviously been replaced by a pimp. Otherwise, there would be no explanation whatsoever as to why a good one-third of the LSU nation dresses in pimp suits--hat and all. Seriously, everywhere we turned there were guys strutting their over-sized stuff in a purple and/or gold pimp suit. I don't even know where they make those things or how much you have to pay (or be paid) to wear one but it's now glaringly apparent to me that Red Stick (ya know, American for Baton Rouge) must have derived its name from the region's most prominent industry (aka the red light district) and not its Indian ancestors. Furthermore, these folks appear to be proud of this!
• With a pimp as the new mascot, there was obviously no longer a need for this so it must have been auctioned off on Ebay. Why? Because Mascot Mike the Tiger-- full garb, head and all--sat about three rows behind us in the Alabama season ticket holder upper deck. That's right, there are no visitor tickets in this entire deck so you would have to be unprecedentedly obnoxious and/or clinically insane to wear that get-up to the game. And wouldn't you know it, the "man" underneath was an arse, a 40-something arse. Shocker, I know! Upon prowling his way to his seat, he was told by a 300+lb Alabama fan to take the head off as it was obstructing others' views. I don't think this dude's 80-lb, quite-possibly-heroin-addicted, and also 40-something-year-old companion was any match (and you know this guy's not going to fight his own battle!) So he took it off... and then proceeded to wave it in the air after every positive LSU play. He quite wisely vacated his seat (aka punked out) after Javier Arenas' punt return for a TD in the 4th quarter to a chorus of boos. Much to my horror, I found good ole Mike hanging out under the upper deck after I vacated my seat following JPW's fumble (not to be confused with a punk out but rather an inability to stomach the nailing of the coffin). He was making out with his aforementioned tranny companion in between harassing Alabama fans who IN ALL HONESTY had said nothing to this tiger-man. I believe a lovely time was had by all.
• Airbrush must be the new monogram in Louisiana. These otherwise affluent-appearing people airbrushed things by the truckload in anticipation of Saban Bowl I. I'm not kidding you... all out fluorescent-colored airbrush akin to the tacky car tags from Panama City Beach. My vote for best dressed goes to the guy with "$aban: #1 $ell-out" airbrushed across the back of his purple pimp suit. If only I had a picture...
• Also in the category of "if only I had a picture..." is the LSU fan who was wheeling his giant cooler down the sidewalk when the plastic handle gave way, thus spilling his beer and ice all over the place. A classic "T!I!G!E!R!S!"moment.

I'm sure there's more lodged in my brain but I'm trying as hard as I can to put it all behind me. I'm burning donating my son's LSU shirt to somebody-- anybody--and saving for a trip in the distant future to good ole Death Valley (incidentally, that name was derived from the universal sentiment that visitors would rather die than live life as a LSU fan.) I'm not sure I could make a round trip to LSU in the near future... I'd either perish in battle or rot in jail.

As always, Roll Tide!